Saturday, August 29, 2015

Halloween Safety and Bunny Ears

First of all, ppy lloween! We hope that you celebrate safery.  Did you know that safety is different for men and women?
It has come to our attention that  Lang Tau Niu (LSN) (sic?) jeans advertise being copied from Canada, so we boycotted them immediately.
We will stick with more ramous brands. Ok, I'm gonna warn you now, some viewers may find the photos below offensive. I'm one of them.
I'm playing sophisticated bubble minesweeper games while travelling, and it turns out the Android facestalker brother doesn't know as much as I thought about me. I started getting these ads. Blazing Memory: I'm thinking it's a game about a sleepover gone wrong, where the victims suffer from painful deformities. I saw a movie like that once.
The women on the left started fighting back by tying parts of their body together. Bunnykins on the right wasn't so lucky, and got blazed.
Clearly bunny ears is a more common affliction than I thought. Presumably these games are both about getting medically necessary breast and bunny ear reduction therapy. The woman on the right is travelling to the west to do so, and both have sold the clothes of their backs to afford it.
Um, this game must be about the Gilette marketing department, figuring out how to advertise the new 13-blade razor.
Well, things got remarkably different once I got to Indonesia! The game on the left allows you to earn TENS of dollars by LV.10. The one on the right shows, oh my gosh, male flesh! Shocking!

Monday, August 24, 2015

Geckos and Beach Creatures

Big news: after years I've finally managed to take a decent picture of a gecko! In the process I learnt that they have huge fingernails! You can see the second tail scar.
We were at the beach, where I found other creepy crawlies.
And admired to obsessive compulsiveness of the crabs.
Many people went to the beach part of the beach resort only to take selfies.
Once again, I had to conclude that we were doing it wrong, what with enjoying the outdoors and such.
Here is how to use a selfie stick at the beach.
There were so few swimmers that the boat sped through the swimming area instead, safety-second style.
For visitors who prefer to stay in their rooms, there are canned sardines and curry on offer, along with yogurt face masks.
Here is my favourite beach resort family. Dad prefers only pants and Louis Vuitton belt. Mom carries son's shoes. Son carries mom's purse, and daughter abhors sunshine. Peachy beachy.
Rather than try to fit in, we took Barry's picture with some age-inappropriate bathing gear.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Drinking wastewater, Photographing drains, and Burning Curbside

Singapore further wished us a happy SG50 with our funpack, shown above, costing $8 per household, and assembled by volunteers.
The best items are Singa, the collectable lion (we got the SAF machine gun version), and Newater. Have you drunk recycled wastewater? I have, because I'm modern like that.
A sign it was time to get out of the house: Barry started matching his clothing to his book. There was more action on the street.
It's Hungry Ghost festival, and there were many offerings.
I find leftover streetside offerings to be some kind of gritty beautiful.
Below, joss sticks were burnt curbside in cucumber slices, next to the garbage bin.
Whoever bought the value pack of joss sticks had a lot of ancestors to honour.
Barry was more into drain apps than fires. While you may think a drain app is overkill, please remember the floods and the tropical rainforest climate.
We bought a new mystery fruit from the Thai grocer. After some thought, he told us with conviction that it was an "acorn". Hmm.
It's actually a santol in English, or a krathon in Thai, which is some kind of Star Trek character I'm sure. The pulp, which mainly gets caught in your teeth, tastes like a sour grape and lychee's offspring.

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Majulah Singapura with Big Guns!

Today, my island nation home celebrates its 50th birthday, which is very exciting!
I'm a bad plane photographer, so google "Super impressive SG50 airshow jet and helicopter formations".
Though I failed to secure parade tickets, you could watch parts of the show from my rooftop above, or the riverside below. The city is all decorated; here the stadium is pitching in.
Hanging out, on my street. With lots of tanks! These ones are called Leopards. (Note: any and all military trivia in this blog is subject to major errors).
Now, I will seek to enthrall you with my newfound military knowledge. This "Short Circuit" style guy is named the m113a2 Ultra Mechanised Igla. Poor product marketing.
This guy is living the video gamer's dream in what is called the Shooting-Z-Boy.
This is a howitzer (the 105mm Giat LG-1, I think), and my new favourite word for a lawn-mower style push gun!
Dissappointingly, this is also a howitzer, of the self-propelled nature (SSPH 1). So like a riding lawn-mower. Howitzers are so long that they're hard to photograph.
Keep things safe and tidy with the Bionix Counter-Mine Vehicle (Trailblazer).
Or, for those with less garage space, there is the new K-ster (better name), a cheaper and easier mine buster. You may need several depending on the size of your minefield, though.
Today I also learned that tanks can be tow-buddies in groups of 2 or 3.
On a summer's day, though, it's nicer to cruise in the six-man Smootharmy-mobile.
This is my iconic SAF SG50 shot. Majulah.
If I were in the army, I'd want to be on the communications team. Singapore's forces are open to female permanent resident volunteers...
It's time to get serious in our weaponry. This is a Combat Engineering Vehicle. I don't think much would get in its way, except perhaps tight corners.
At first I thought this monster was for picking corn, but it is a MAN 8x8 with Leguan Bridge Laying System, helping all the other tanks cross the river!
The latest in bridgerators is the huge, sleek M3G Float Bridge. It's a bus, boat, and bridge in one.
At this point I should remind you that Singapore's birthday is a very joyous occasion, and the military parade is not the main feature.
Howitzer! Check out this space boat, so shiny that it changes the colour of the sky in front of it! So large that it needs a 24 wheel trailer! As they say in Singapore, "Waaaah" (wow).
I've always been a Rhino fan, and it's been upgraded! This sweet ride puts out fires, and is a global missed market opportunity for vanity SUVs. They waved at me to increase my patriotism.
For more serious fires, the Bambi Bucket (great product name!) is for scooping water from the sea via helicopter (sold separately). Save Bambi (or locally, monkeys) at the cost of some fish.
Happy Birthday Singapore! You continue to teach and impress me!