Sunday, November 30, 2014

The Many Disturbing Faces of Santa

Warning: Some viewers may find the following images disturbing and will wonder whether I should leave the house more often.
Embracing society's love of low quality disposability, I bought some Christmas decorations online. When they arrived, the first thing I saw, above, was Santa suffering from appendicitis while flying in his sleigh. Poor Santa 2 couldn't help: he was born with a rare condition with no pupils, and was ready to haunt your dreams!
So, inspired by this, I decided to get crafty. Here is Santa decompos√©, where you'll notice already some strong eyebrows.
This can make it easy to assemble his face upside down. He looks like a baby macaque learning to use makeup.
Get help! Santa got hit by a car and isn't breathing! Oh those dead, glassy eyes.
Is Santa actually Vin Diesel?
Or is he actually a drunk Mr. Clean hanging out in Russia after having abandoned Aunt Jemima?

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Flying Eggs and Moral Uplifting

Barry has been living the more exciting life lately, with Taiwanese Engrish: "Never try to fly will be a dish".
Meanwhile back in Singapore, we think we're getting better at the selfie.
In Taiwan, Barry found Canadian Engrish which explains what you think right before you hit a deer with your car.
Back in Singapore, we were disappointed to learn that this temple uplifts your morals, and not your morale. We didn't seek the former.
So, back to the cameras. Mark showed me that a mustache makes my teeth look funny, but that larger eyes are the way to go.

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Holiday Engrish 2014

Looking for gift ideas? The Neck Point Roll can give you a quick and easy on your neck. Who doesn't need that?
Now, welcome to the most awesome and scary gift bag of the season. It features wind up toys who watch you sleeping.
Unfortunately, most of the toys are troubled, like Frosty here.
The holiday Sasquatch is using intimidation tactics.
The holiday wind-up abominable snowman has some kind of Halloween hangover. Or is perhaps luring children with orange juice.
Finally, and most horribly traumatic, poor Rudolph hasn't fount out, yet, that his "twin" is actually a wind-up version. This could be an entire movie plot, like a horror version of Pinocchioo!
Quick, let's switch something more positive. Wrapping paper which actually improves the present inside!
These French headlines come with English text about guitar lessons, Midsummer Night Dream (sic) and Thanksgiving.
With this one, I have finally learnt what sports are!
This is the lesser known "face shape plastic bag", which is a face with faces on it, and has "no gusset".
Finally, we also have to remember to care appropriately for our Engrish holiday gear. This one is easily roughted, and the fluff may falling more or less.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Struggles and Troubles

Lately, we have struggled with our competence as humans. We finally went to see the beautiful Deepavali lights, well after the end of the festival.
Mark and I struggled to take a selfie.
Louise and I didn't know where to look!
Mark and Barry struggled with their hands.
Somehow, they thought this was cool.
And we went to a restaurant which seemed to be advertising its vermin.
All of this may have been caused by the bad feng shui of the Gateway building, which can appear two dimensional in the twilight.
To resolve the situation, I tried to absorb the radiation of this bright green drink.
Alex fixed the selfie situation by asking the waitress to help.
And then we all went to the Relax Station to get celebrity facials.