Tuesday, November 6, 2018

Golden and Glowy!

We went to Hawaii on a fancy award trip from my work, involving florals and glowy neons!
When they announced the dress-code, I immediately prepared on chinasellinglostastuff.com.
There was glowy instaselfie makeup.
Barry wanted colorful like mine, but they said he had to have manly. So here he is, failing to hone his Mike Tyson look. "Look tough, Barry".
These are the glowy dancers called i luminate. You can buy their suits on lostachina.com too, but not cheap.
We went on a nature and beach hike. Not shown is the giant wave that drenched us when we were turtle-spotting.
Here is Barry appreciating the natures.
See if you can tell the professional photographer pictures above from mine.
And to close, a public service warning. In the US, even things like meat and butter have "ingredients" nowadays, which is alarming.

Saturday, November 3, 2018

More Modern Egyptians

This is our newest Egyptian friend, who is 4. Also, we have flies on our faces. Two more small Egyptians help Barry to be less afraid of the cow.
We made unusual requests to our guide, so we got to eat at a local home. Here, Barry is pretending to help.
The food was by far the best we had in Egypt, to the extent that there are limited pictures.
We also had great breakfast beans called ful, which you eat with pita and tahini.
And yet many people preferred this.
We didn't do a lot of modern Egypt, but here's a skating rink in a mall.
Near the local Zara Tara.
There's Whity.
Then we went shopping at Carrefour.
Sample Text!
Business and Territory: Be Just and Fear Not this lited thing of curs.
This is my favourite but wasn't my size.
Ulban fashion includes an idea tree sot hat Foreve love will foud in the end! Fogive and forgot.
Finally, we went to the Coptic quarter in Cairo, where all religions merge!
Me as a stylish muslim!
Some Christian mosaics. Our guide was confused that we didn't understand the biblical references.
Some godly phenomena illuminated this aptly-dressed little old lady. (No, not really, it happened elsewhere too, and she was begging and spitting, vs. saintly.)

Thursday, October 25, 2018

Writing on the Wall

The Egyptian tombs are all about the wall art. It can be dizzying!
There's pictures, stories, and instructions, mainly about gods.There are also explanations on how to mummify properly, as detailed before.
This one is the original holy cow!
Even with a guide, you can't even begin to understand what's going on.
Doesn't matter! Still amazing!
Something uncomfortable happened to the middle-guy's face...
Here, some Romans tried to adapt the temple into a church, but their apostles mostly fell off.
The best tombs still have great colour!
And there are some bad-ass deities!
Here is Barry with an incense lamp
This one is surely the motivation for the Starbucks logo, with her merlegs in the air.

Saturday, October 20, 2018

Mummies, a DIY Guide

In the beginning, they put the mummies inside small pyramids, but these started to look lame so they made bigger ones. All that glam called for looting, so mummies got hidden in desert valleys where hundreds of workers somehow kept the locations secret. Nowadays, any good desert location should work your DIY mummy.
The desert can be harsh, so ensure you have good transportation, like this Advanced Vehicle System.
Inside the tomb, you need some instructions for the gods. These involve a) pictures of many offerings, b) a secret code for the afterlife, c) pictures of the required afterlife servants and d) the occasional Roman or modern grafiti.
Then, you need an inner and outer sarcophagus, ideally with inlay artistic detail. This takes some time, so get carving. These should be embedded, in several golden coffins, Russian-doll style, not shown.
Now you gotta get some afterlife furniture. Here is a camping chair for roasting marshmallows in the bonfires of hell. The furniture was strewn about suprisingly messily in the tombs. Not like the careful human packaging.
These tubular vesicles seem important, but I can't remember what they help with in the afterlife, so keep these on hand.
Now, mummification. First, you suck the organs, ideally out of the nose, and put them into this intriguing organ box. Set aside. This part might be messy, so take precautions.
Next, you have to do a lot of not-well-understood embalming things with special kinds of oils. Wait 40 days, and consult with your local taxidermist if necessary. Now, wrap the body up, put all those sarcophagi together, and you're done!
We found that these essential oils still play a role in modern Egypt, where they're used for perfumes, and potentially modern mummification.
There were also offerings to the gods.
Here's Barry, learning how to make an offering goblet, and somehow the man behind him looks plastic, maybe because of the oils.
Optional add-on: afterlife pets!
There were a lot of animals in modern Egypt as well. We fed this one our lunch leftovers.
Barry is clearly a city boy.