Saturday, November 7, 2009

Back to Burma

There is little information online about what to do on your second trip to Myanmar. I'm here to change that; let me provide some ideas. Perhaps surfing the web:Or enjoying some local beverages, like Quench, Star, or the economical Mandalay Rum.You can take cruises up the Irrawaddy river to see dolphins, but I only got as close as this glowing-eyed representation.Probably best to relax and watch the sunset, perhaps along with a Burmese wedding.


Sunday, November 1, 2009

Countries Selling Themselves

How does your country advertize itself? Let us spend some time pondering country tourism advertizing, shall we? Japan has launched a "Visit Japan 2010" campaign, plastered on the sides of Singapore buses. Short term goals work for me.Korea is advertized regularly on our television, with the fairly abstract slogan of "Korea Sparkling". What could it mean? And, um, I don't mean to be rude, but, isn't sparkling hard for many Koreans to say?Singapore has also chosen a relatively meaningless slogan. As has Malaysia: I was looking for Asia, now I've found it!Taiwan, also heavily advertized in Singapore, has tried a different approach: being cheap.Thailand agrees with this approach, then builds on it.
Myanmar is Mystical (I guess), Vietnam is the hidden charm (I found said charm immediately), and Indonesia, well, doesn't pay their slogan team as much.

Cambodia doesn't yet have a slogan team.
And yes, don't think you're above this, your country sells itself too.


Saturday, October 24, 2009

Food, Creatures and Surprises

The vegetable of the week is, well, this one. I did not succeed in identifying it or figuring out how to eat it, but it tasted like a raw zucchini.The fruit of the week is the purple dragonfruit. This is one I know about: it's what happens when a kiwi, a watermelon, and a beet combine.

The flamboyant beer mascot of the week is Kirin, the fluffy lion/dragon monster. Did you know that Kirin beer, along with other Asian brews, have rice in them? Yes, Laura in Singapore is also educational.
The cute animal of the week is Cusstard, one of Singapore's adorable yet tough gutter kittens. We tried to feed him milk and he nearly attacked us. I guess he's more into chocolate and cigarettes.
The shocking exposé of the week is Heather, Alex and Barry engaging in violent sport! And liking it! Poor little plastic duckies.


Sunday, October 18, 2009

Return to Bangkok

Last weekend, Laura and Barry went Christmas shopping in Bangkok. We found some very good gift ideas:

We also found some scary monsters wearing florals.
And then Barry burnt his face out by trying to out-macho a minuscule hot pepper.
You can see more pictures here.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Janging out with the Junta

This Laura's first "failed state" visit, to Myanmar (Burma). Along with Utah and Long Island, this falls into the category of "Places I may not have seen if work hadn't sent me". Anyway, this is the Shwedagon Pagoda, where all things glitter.This is the hundred meter stupa, surrounded by all kinds of Buddhas. Below, some examples sporting the latest fashions.This is the shiniest Buddha.This picture shows some of Buddha's lesser known deity friends, who provide support.Families, couples, everyone hangs out here.This child demonstrates the proper praying position.

These people sport the recommended outfit.
So, next time you're in Yangon, don't miss the Shwedagon.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Fast Cars in Singapore

Last weekend, Singapore's downtown streets were replaced with a glowing race track.

Inside the track, flat pointy cars drive around really fast a lot of times. They are kept inside a cage so they don't escape. For entertainment, I became a moderate fan of Timo Glock, who surprisingly came in third (this may be him):
When the cars go rogue and crash, the disciplinary car comes out to shame them. Below is what the spectator sees.Here I am demonstrating my moderate enjoyment, as well as the view that $100 tickets get you.You can get a better view by wearing a special uniform and keeping your hands above your head, but we did not know this in advance.

Thanks to my sister, whose stellar seats and photography provided these shots.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Searching for Laura in Singapore Part 2

This is my second post on the favourite search terms that bring people to this site.

1) "cannibalism thailand", "cannibalism in thailand", "singapore cannibalism", "thai funeral cannibalism". Really, I find Thai people very nice, and maybe some are hungry, but certainly not that hungry. I didn't even get bitten by any. Suggest you chill out and surf airfares instead of freaky crap.

2) "where to buy 3d glasses in singapore", "pirates eye patch sellers in singapore", "plastic imitation fruits, singapore". No no no, 3D glasses, eye patches and faux fruits are not what Laura in Singapore represents. Do not waste your money on these things. Please donate to charity instead. I suggest the WWF or the Bill Gates foundation, you can't go wrong.

3) "apple and custard soap", "custard cream soaps". Apparently there is a trend to have soap that resembles food. Laura in Singapore tries to separate grooming from eating but respects this representation of the power of pie.

4) "escort korean candy singapore". Now this person could not decide if they wanted a companion or candy.

5) "why do eurasian celebrate christmas", "portugese eurasian songs", "eurasian fashion clothing", "eurasian modern fashion", "eurasian tradition clothing". A future posting on Barry's Eurasian culture is forthcoming, now that I have recognised that this is an informational gap on the Internet. Let's start with some simple Eurasian pointers:
A) Eurasians are mixed Europeans and Asians. Hence, they may have some Christian heritage and celebrate Christmas. See how that works?
B) Shockingly, Eurasians wear the same clothing as other races. You can't detect them by their fashion, it's more of a physical thing.
C) Were there enough Portugese Eurasians for them to make their own songs? Do they have their own Portuguese Eurasian Karaoke bars? We'll try to answer these tough questions in future posts.

6) "which fruits white face", "botox for skinny face", "diet pocky singapore". Welcome to our section on vanity. Luckily, Laura in Singapore provides beauty advice as follows:
A) Whitening your face is freaky, and is a waste of fruit. Please study grammar instead.
B) Botox is to smooth your wrinkles, you can't use it to fatten your face. That's what food is for. I recommend Singaporean food, please see previous posts.
C) Sadly, diet pocky is a ridiculous concept. Instead, I recommend a side salad with your pocky. With more salad, and less pocky, the same calorific reduction is achieved! You're welcome.

7) "proctology pictures", Please tell me you're in proctologist school and this is for educational purposes.

8) "rocky malay bodybuilder in singapore". Well, if you search for this I am oddly the 4th choice. Thus, Laura in Singapore will have to cover such sports in future posts.

9) "spectacaled bear food", I'm the first result due to having made the same spelling error. Luckily I am also an expert on the topic:
The spectacled bears eat a wide variety of food, ranging from mice, rabbits, birds, berries, grasses and orchid bulbs all the way to their favorite food, the leaves, bases, and hearts of the Bromeliacae plant family. Many times, these animals will climb cacti to taste of the fruit at the top. Similarly, they will build nests in the tops of trees to use as a crude form of feeding platform as well as a sleeping place and day bed.

10) "august birthday threats singapore(2009)". Here's another one I can answer. The main birthday threats in august or any month are as follows:
1) Getting older. This is the biggest threat.
2) Being surprised by a surprise party. This can be a threat to your health and or dignity.
3) Getting presents you don't like. This threat is generally dwarfed by #1. Glad to help.

11) "spandex roofing" As a spandex cohabitator, I recommend a different material. While a spandex roof saves on trampoline costs, it is not waterproof. Also, it can mould, I have seen the proof. Thus, I suggest separate materials for your bike shorts and your roof.

12) "singapore monster", "how to chase lizard away". Well, I'm not going to lie to you, there are monsters here. While I've covered the lizard question in a previous post, here is the monster of the week:


Friday, September 18, 2009

Laura in the Middle East

This week, Laura mixed it up a little and went to the middle east. Here is some proof:And here is Barbican, non-alcoholic malt beverage, for those who were looking for carb calories emptier than beer's. Available in a mini-bar in your favourite middle eastern hotel.Now that you believe me, I'll tell you about some other features of Dubai, Middle East for beginners. First, it has all the stores in the world in it, in huge malls to shelter you from reality:And many tall shiny buildings, which are unfortunately not all completed.Here are some Canadian things you can find in Dubai: 4 different Canadian coffee chains, maple syrup by the litre, and even the lesser known desert Zamboni:

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Discovering Tanuki

Like us, if you were in Japan, you were probably worried and confused about the origins of the above creature. Do not fret, as we have solved the badger mystery! The creature behind those cute, yet creepy statues is called Tanuki (Japanese "raccoon-dog").
Tanuki is a dog, eats a similar diet to a raccoon (Japanese garbage, I guess), climbs trees, doesn't bark, and is the only dog that hibernates. Secretive and non-aggressive it prefers to scream or play dead rather than fight. The Tanuki is reputed to be a master of disguise and “shapeshifting", according to the Japanese. And he also supports ear cleaning, in our newly-acquired bathroom version.Often found greeting guests to Japanese restaurants,,Tanuki statues have a number of important features as shown below:
1) a bamboo hat that protects against trouble, as well as the sun
2) big eyes to help make good decisions - who knew?
3) a sake bottle representing virtue - I knew sake alcohol was virtuous
4) a big tail that provides steadiness and strength
5) over-sized ‘endowments’ that symbolize financial luck - or, perhaps, an infection?
6) a promissory note that represents trust - yet I'm skeptical
7) a big belly that symbolizes bold decisiveness - lest you think it was from the sake
8) a friendly smile - in this case, oddly puckeredSo next time you go to your favourite Japanese noodle restaurant, keep your eye out for a Tanuki.


Sunday, September 6, 2009

High Maintenance Ghosts

It is the Taoist Hungry Ghost festival again, a month when the gates of the netherworld open to release upon us all sorts of spirits. Loud street performances please the ghosts, and food is offered and prayers, money and other things are burned all over the place to appease them, like so:Incense sticks are supposed to ward off evil spirits, and also bring prosperity. So it's silly not to burn them! All building entrances look like this.I find, that the more I learn about this festival, the less I understand. For example, how do you differentiate between food to feed the hungry neglected ghosts versus the money directed at your own ancestors?

Why is this place offering baby bottles to the ghosts, and what do the numbers mean?
The hungriest ghosts are those whose families have forgotten to pay posthumous tribute to them. This results in them having long thin necks because they have not been fed (a common symptom of post-mortem famine). Thus, another mystery is why these dry puff cakes are left for the dead to try to get down said long throats. The living, even the stray dogs, don't like these.
If you swim, ghosts might drown you, and if you step into the ashes, you get possessed. This is unfortunate, as I melted part of my flip flop in these ashes. Thus, my future posts may become interesting.
If you think any of this is strange, please remember that a lot of you kill a pine tree annually to hang plastic bits on it and sing about a baby, hoping for a man to get in your chimney. Glad to help with your perspective.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Engrish of 2009

Hello and welcome to this year's selection of Engrish gift bags and such. Let us start with a simple yet delirious message about giant fruit.Next, a scatterbrained notebook. Sometimes Engrish states the obvious. And yet it's deep, man.

2009's Greeting cards: "A four leaf clover, becomes happy when finding it, happiness is carried". The ominous "I have something to talk to you" hearts card, and the generic "Happy Birthday, very wonderful and more pleasant" greeting.I love cat too, but I'm not sure about all the flowing.The bag below was thought to be the lesser-known Engrish from India, featuring Fizzy Moon. Turns out Fizzy is real, and not simply a linguistic adventure.Finally, let me introduce to you, for the first time: Flench!
The year's best Flench is below. My camera is away, and my phone troubled, but it says: "Le Miroir: Meme dans le miroir, j'ai des oreilles" sic. So true. So brilliant.


Saturday, August 22, 2009

Laura in Westoz

Above is what Western Australia's animals used to look like. Below is what they look like today. We are big fans of the modern version, and enjoyed hanging out in their gaggle of 25.

However, we did not go to Perth for the birds. We went to stock up on feeling like home. And, mostly, we went for the wine. The tasting, the touring, and the bringing some home.
Drinking it seaside was nice too, though it is "winter" now. That means its like rainy summer weather in Canada.
This is Fremantle, which is supposed to be the best part of Perth. Barry and I figured perhaps it was better in the summer. Or perhaps we missed something. Eventually we forgot about it and went back to wine tasting. I know, my photography. Its artistic nature takes your breath away. I call this one "arry". Moving, no?
Finally, here is the Aussie coat of arms, which allegedly features 2 animals which can't move backwards. This doesn't seem to be a key animal skill, if you ask me, whereas that pouch is handy! I can't diss it, as the Canadian coat of arms features 2 bedazzled lions and a unicorn, none of which are native to the country, to my knowledge.


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Time to visit Singapore

Worried about fall? Craving some tasty exotic cuisine? Losing your swimming skills? No excuse not to visit now: http://www.aircanada.com/en/offers/air/asia_aug09/asia_aug09.html.


Saturday, August 15, 2009

Cosmic Illusions

This rogue plane post is dedicated to my rogue plane friends. Seletar airport is Singapore's small plane airport, for executive, leisure and small charter aircraft. So imagine our surprise upon walking by this plane in a hangar's driveway, outside of the airport.
Key Facts
Cosmic Air is a Nepalese Airline
Cosmic Air does not fly anywhere near Singapore
Cosmic Air owns nine (9) planes total
This is a Fokker 100, one of the two that Cosmic owns
The runway at Seletar is not supposed to be long enough to land this plane
Passenger Aircraft are not supposed to be in unsecured areas
I guess it drove here from India.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Evil in the Garden

If you find botanical gardens a tad dull, then I have a suggestion. I recommend you look for different things, like, say, EVIL. I started this by noticing the obviously fake and evil temptation fruits on this alleged fig tree trunk.Then I saw this clearly murderous tentacle tempter, ready to neutralize its victims.And I noticed that even orchids have a darker, twisted side.Plants that eat animals:Perhaps these are all overseen by the Great Green Grabber.Or the Monster of the Moss.

More pics here.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Engrish for Canadians

This is a momentous occasion for Canadian fans of Engrish! Now, Engrish comes to your country, and for some readers, to your university. Zoom in to read the University of Toronto's lesser known motto: "Goldfish California Dream. 1849".
Now let us compare this Korean interpretation to the actual U of T.


Real U of TEngrish U of T
Founding Year18271849
Mottovelut arbor aevo, meaning "As a tree in the passage of time"Goldfish California Dream
Crestbeaver, books, treesunrise, building, leaves
So overall, I'm forced to conclude that this is a reasonable representation. Beavers, goldfish, trees, leaves, whatever. If you are a women's small, please send me your orders today! I find it goes best with Korean chocolate bar Crunky. For when you're drunk and chunky.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Our Neighbourhood, Little India

Little India is a great place to live for many reasons. On Sunday, the migrant Indian labourers get their weekly day off, so Little India gets quite crowded. This seems ok with the Indians, who are evidently quite close.

They participate in numerous activities such as talking to their loved ones at home, or buying smoked fruit:They gather in lovely neighbourhood parks such as these, where their heat tolerance is evidently quite high. While in normal circumstances a pure-male crowd this large might be alarming, here it is quite safe.
In contrast, I require cold fluids such as, perhaps, a coconut.
I recommend you do not offend the man with the knife (shown here with sugar cane grinder, another refreshing choice.)
Clearly, I am refreshed.
I'm not sure if you're supposed to, but I like to eat the young rubber coconut as well, like so.


Saturday, July 18, 2009

Which Indonesia?

While Laura in Singapore avoids political commentary, her trip to West Papua, Indonesia, was cancelled this week due to security concerns. In light of recent events, I offer you some facts about Indonesia. First, its dimensions:

1) Population: 237 million, fourth largest country in the world. Big.
2) Width: 5000 km, a wide as Canada's non-maritime provinces. Chubby.
3) Religion: 86% Muslim (mostly moderate), with significant Christian and Hindu populations, the latter shown here going to temple.4) Democracy: Yes, but only since 1997.
5) Crime. How does Indonesia compare to your other potential vacation destinations?So, while this is Indonesia,so is this,and this.And many of Indonesia's 17508 islands look a lot like this.


Sunday, July 12, 2009

Top Expat Challenges

Laura in Singapore enjoys being a foreigner/expat/immigrant, as most posts demonstrate. However, there are some universal challenges, not specific to Singapore, which potential future expats may not expect. To start, consider that many of your lovely possessions will either remain in storage or be rendered rather useless:You are likely to face new biological threats and vermin. How many Canadians know how to avoid boot mold, and the tiny bugs that eat the mold? Oh the tropical household ecosystem!Sometimes, you're just going to get stared at. An advantage is that your appreciation of your home cuisine grows. But this can lead to disappointment when things are just sometimes done wrong. This is my butterscotch parfait?

Similarly, we waited 2 years for Quiznos to come to Singapore, and when we finally went there, it was closed. Emotional roller coaster.Doing your taxes while you're out of the country? Nightmare. The Canadian Revenue Agency missed me so much that they kept writing me letters.Similarly, imagine the paperwork and time involved in immigrating here!Often, we just don't understand the jokes, the media, and especially the ads. Has this woman's "family heater" melted off her bosom?
Planes. May not be as fun as shown.
You just can't learn all the traditions and etiquette and try to make sense of it.
Family cooking. You gotta DIY, which is much harder than showing up with a bottle of wine.
It's hard to be subtle. Spot the expat in this picture.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Ruins of Ancient Singapore

Singapore, not known for its ancient civilizations, was little more than a fishing village until the last couple of centuries. However, if you look hard enough, you can find strange old ruins of mysterious origin, inexplicably occupying prime real estate. Below, a mature home whose owners have clearly neglected landscaping and home-painting laws. Shown below are stairs to the past, found in the forest.
And finally, a mysterious site I found on my way to work and wondered what it could be.

It turns out it is an unkempt old Muslim graveyard, a couple of acres in size.
So, how old is this place? It dates back to 1819, making it just about the oldest thing you'll see here. As shown below, vegetation can accelerate decay, see how quickly this child's wagon became a tree. Don't leave your toys in the cemetery, kids.


Saturday, June 27, 2009

Laura in Sumbawa

If you're in Bali, you can take a boat to Lombok, its rural and less templed neighbour. After a 2 hour drive across Lombok, you can take a ferry to Sumbawa, where vast remoteness awaits.

From Sumbawa, you can take a pontoon Cessna back to Bali, which yields window-blurred photos of islands like so.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Shintoism and the Water Torii

Though we've been back from Japan for over a month, the pictures provide blog material for much longer. Today we explore Shintoism, Japan's religion, which involves photogenic shrines. The best one of these is the Sea Torii near Hiroshima, shown above with its friendly local deer and pagoda, because Barb painted me a picture of that one. Below is the Golden pavilion, along with several other pavilions or shrines whose names long elude me.
Rope, along with nature, is important in Shintoism. The picture below shows rope made with human hair in the construction or operation of one temple. Imagine how much baldness was caused.
There are numerous deities involved in Shintoism, including the God of Bows and Arrows shown below.


Sunday, June 14, 2009

Japan's Mysteries

Many aspects of Japanese society confused us. This busty badger, present in numerous restaurants, apparently also confuses the locals as to his intentions. We also did not understand what occasions merit kimono-wearing, nor why we couldn't find more geishas.
Also elusive was the slot-like game called pachinko, which is played in loud, smoke-filled rooms everywhere. You buy ball bearings, put them into pachinko machine and watch them bounce around, and then lose them. Then, even if you only use about half of the balls you buy, you hand them in and they give you a couple of pens, which are your prize. The merits of this system were incomprehensible to us, and I normally like slot machines just as much as the next putz.
More fun was sumo, where you try to push your oponnent out of a ring after sprinkling salt around. Logical, that.Which brings us to sake, which we visited at its brewery. Sake's merits as a delicious beverage bring us joy, while its lack of worldwide popularity are yet another one of Japan's mysteries.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

The Mystery of Japanese food

Japanese food remains a mystery to much of the world due to the mainstream deliciousness of sushi. Basically, these raw fishes have bullied away the rest of the Japanese delights. However, the other Japanese food is also tasty, and often ridiculously pretty. Be mindful, though, that what looks like dessert is sometimes pickled fish, and that the tastiest foods are often not the prettiest ones. The market in Kyoto, below, sells fish bits and seemingly large proportion of the world's pickles. I recommend you do not, however, try to bring these fermenting monsters home in your suitcase as I did, because explosives are not recommended for air travel.It also sells the less yummy felt sushi replicas, whose purpose eludes tourists like me.Oh, and the sushi and sashimi was amazing too, shown here from Nobu restaurant Hiroshima. Ya, we were there, just like Britney and Lindsay.Finally, once you're done with all that eating, you can use one of Japan's special toilets with controls, heated seats, and music or flushing sounds to hide those oh-so-embarrassing noises. With basic pictogram literacy, you can figure out how to clean your lady or man bits, which, I suppose, is not for everyone.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Who are Tigers? We are Tigers!

In Japan, no sport is bigger than baseball. And no team has crazier fans than Osaka's Hanshin Tigers. The Hanshin Tigers, founded in 1935, generate an annual crowd of over 3 million people, including two Canadians and two cute sushi-eating kids shown below.

Tigers fans go all out in the following ways:
1) Fashion, including Tigers hammer pants
2) Songs and coordinated cheers, with flags and led by fan conductors.
3) Accessories, which include bats and the tradition of releasing hundreds of air-filled balloons. Barry bought the Hello Kitty Pretty Committee bats, which you can see him trying to master here.
While cheering is mandatory when the Tigers are at bat, getting out of your seat during this time is strictly forbidden, and those who do are shamed out of the country. Though the Tigers' uniforms and the logos are similar to those of their sister team, the Detroit Tigers, the two cities are a tad different: you are 331 times more likely to be robbed in Detroit than anywhere in Japan. So feel free to leave your wallet on your seat while you go buy yakitori or curry rice between innings.
So next time you're in Osaka, check out a Tigers game. Hello Kitty is all grown up, and can whoop the Hiroshima Carp's butt!