Saturday, May 8, 2010

Hot Mamas in the Paper

What do you want for mother's day, perhaps a firmer bust? As explained in this newspaper ad, it's "your most important asset as a woman" (sic). Angie's bust looks so great that no one believes she's a mother. One wonders if she asks people this. Probably, as she also had to ask for her husband's support before using the firming gel (um, sic?).
Another heartwarming mother story above: Mother passes down body image issues to daughter, but luckily both lose 8-18cm instantly with 6 in 1 power ozone! Unfortunately said product also evidently promotes monstrous foot growth.
Feel like a piece of poo-ball mascot? Well, even though "D'Tox Juice" can cure all your woes in 2-4 hours, they sell you a 6 day program. Worth it if you get a plush toy of the mascot, whom I couldn't love more.
This one above is scientific: "Nettles rebalances and purifies clogged follicles for healthy scalp"(sic). It's a "Trichologist-validated treatment", which declares in fine print: "There is no scientific proof that any product (except registered medicinal products) or service can retard hair loss or promote hair growth. Your results may vary."
Above, thin oxygen "is suitable for all skin types, attenuate the unsightly comedone eruptions and revive your skin to an essence of life and radiance" (sic again). This might be a good time to highlight that Singapore lacks infomercials.
Breaking News: Bad Hair is Tuesday's top story.
Warning! This one helps sagging buttock (singular), and losing excess fats (plural). Send your weight problem and social security number to "win". Identity theft notwithstanding.
Above, "Hair Care helped me stopped rising hairline and nervous breakdown". Evidently brain damage is a potential side effect.On the positive side of hair loss is Michael Bolton, who can bring back your youth through his concerts, unchanged in 15 years.
Finally from this week's paper is Singapore's love/hate relationship with its 2 new casinos, with anti- and pro- advertisements juxtaposed.