Saturday, September 26, 2009

Searching for Laura in Singapore Part 2

This is my second post on the favourite search terms that bring people to this site.

1) "cannibalism thailand", "cannibalism in thailand", "singapore cannibalism", "thai funeral cannibalism". Really, I find Thai people very nice, and maybe some are hungry, but certainly not that hungry. I didn't even get bitten by any. Suggest you chill out and surf airfares instead of freaky crap.

2) "where to buy 3d glasses in singapore", "pirates eye patch sellers in singapore", "plastic imitation fruits, singapore". No no no, 3D glasses, eye patches and faux fruits are not what Laura in Singapore represents. Do not waste your money on these things. Please donate to charity instead. I suggest the WWF or the Bill Gates foundation, you can't go wrong.

3) "apple and custard soap", "custard cream soaps". Apparently there is a trend to have soap that resembles food. Laura in Singapore tries to separate grooming from eating but respects this representation of the power of pie.

4) "escort korean candy singapore". Now this person could not decide if they wanted a companion or candy.

5) "why do eurasian celebrate christmas", "portugese eurasian songs", "eurasian fashion clothing", "eurasian modern fashion", "eurasian tradition clothing". A future posting on Barry's Eurasian culture is forthcoming, now that I have recognised that this is an informational gap on the Internet. Let's start with some simple Eurasian pointers:
A) Eurasians are mixed Europeans and Asians. Hence, they may have some Christian heritage and celebrate Christmas. See how that works?
B) Shockingly, Eurasians wear the same clothing as other races. You can't detect them by their fashion, it's more of a physical thing.
C) Were there enough Portugese Eurasians for them to make their own songs? Do they have their own Portuguese Eurasian Karaoke bars? We'll try to answer these tough questions in future posts.

6) "which fruits white face", "botox for skinny face", "diet pocky singapore". Welcome to our section on vanity. Luckily, Laura in Singapore provides beauty advice as follows:
A) Whitening your face is freaky, and is a waste of fruit. Please study grammar instead.
B) Botox is to smooth your wrinkles, you can't use it to fatten your face. That's what food is for. I recommend Singaporean food, please see previous posts.
C) Sadly, diet pocky is a ridiculous concept. Instead, I recommend a side salad with your pocky. With more salad, and less pocky, the same calorific reduction is achieved! You're welcome.

7) "proctology pictures", Please tell me you're in proctologist school and this is for educational purposes.

8) "rocky malay bodybuilder in singapore". Well, if you search for this I am oddly the 4th choice. Thus, Laura in Singapore will have to cover such sports in future posts.

9) "spectacaled bear food", I'm the first result due to having made the same spelling error. Luckily I am also an expert on the topic:
The spectacled bears eat a wide variety of food, ranging from mice, rabbits, birds, berries, grasses and orchid bulbs all the way to their favorite food, the leaves, bases, and hearts of the Bromeliacae plant family. Many times, these animals will climb cacti to taste of the fruit at the top. Similarly, they will build nests in the tops of trees to use as a crude form of feeding platform as well as a sleeping place and day bed.

10) "august birthday threats singapore(2009)". Here's another one I can answer. The main birthday threats in august or any month are as follows:
1) Getting older. This is the biggest threat.
2) Being surprised by a surprise party. This can be a threat to your health and or dignity.
3) Getting presents you don't like. This threat is generally dwarfed by #1. Glad to help.

11) "spandex roofing" As a spandex cohabitator, I recommend a different material. While a spandex roof saves on trampoline costs, it is not waterproof. Also, it can mould, I have seen the proof. Thus, I suggest separate materials for your bike shorts and your roof.

12) "singapore monster", "how to chase lizard away". Well, I'm not going to lie to you, there are monsters here. While I've covered the lizard question in a previous post, here is the monster of the week: