Fauxtentious Cuisine and more

Feeling like you're stuck in a box? (Also, Moose says he likes Ikea). Worried that you got off at the wrong station (former outpost of Singapore's former railway to Malaysia)?

Failing to find nice places to swim (former military "pool" near Mt. Faber)?

We were too, so we went to the forest to find some new ideas.

Mostly, we found leaves.

But then we saw Jack tree and his fruit.

And the common passiflora (passion fruit flower) with its pleasing geometry, which gave us an idea for a new form of entertainment suitable to commemorate our friends' sad departure from Singapore.

Beautiful culinatious Michelinish home food such as this Batik roll. So pretty, and even better when served with a spiced dark cherry pickled coulis, right?

The idea is that you make/order standard yummy things, and then serve and garnish them pretentiously!

Naming dishes by their components sounds expensiver. Garnishing cheeseballs with gold flakes impresses your guests. It's important to finish the dishes live, with flakes, fires, foams, and fermentations.

These are my corn empanadas with home brined ketchup and microgreens, served on perilla leaf. It sounds better than "I made ketchup".

Chicken and waffles were the last appetizer before the potato bread with multiple home-flavoured butters.

Chargrilled vegetable medley with pickled lemons, superfluous tomatoes, pretentious garnish peas, and homemade kefir.

There were special effects and petit fours of course.

We were joined by our Level 1 ("I know what Riesling is now") sommelier Barry.

He got us the most tasty and entertaining wines from our favourite store, and explained things about them while wearing a flamingo shirt.

We made two mistakes. First, you have to take pictures of your friends enjoying the life-changing food, or it's not real on IG. Secondly, we had to see how the Batik Swiss roll cake was made. Very inelegant.

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Kranji Car Butts

Way up north near the Kranji marshes, where the crocodiles live,

And the Eichhornia crassipes, or common water hyacinth, invades and is battled with scooper boats,

There are many interesting things, guarded by fish-riders bringing gold.

This is the land of recycling. I was entertained for surprisingly long trying to say "Wah & Hua Resource Recovery Recycling Hub" clearly, and my English is quite acceptable.

We were briefly enthralled by giant piles of metal and rebar. This neighbourhood also houses many migrant workers dorms, like behind this banana tree.

Their local food places, when open, smell amazing, but I found a sign that their food may not be suitable for my exercise levels.

There are many intriguing sites in this neighbourhood.

But what we came for was this ordinary-looking car shop.

Here, you can buy many types of car: BMW, Jag, VW...But actually, no.

They're all car butts! I got my eyes on this Porsche butt, and am thinking of welding it onto a different car front, but this shop was only rear fractions. So I had to settle on a rusty axel and lion sculpture instead.

Turns out, it's surprisingly difficult to lean over a fence and take pictures of car buts while avoiding scrutiny. Many of my photos looked like, horrors, fully intact vehicles!

They don't seem to sell like hotcakes, and some had trees growing around them, but that can happen quickly here.

So if you get rear-ended, need a car butt, or just want something different to do, check out Kranji!

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