Sunday, April 11, 2021

The Subramachinium Quarantournament

Here in East Asia, we are serious about quarantine. If you enter a country, or have been exposed to someone with the 'Rona, you will be locked down. This is the story of Sunita and Sam's locked 21 day quarantine in Hong Kong (which was incurred through no fault of their own).

As both ardent readers of my blog will know, I have invented the highly acclaimed if underutilized Quarantournament. Sunita and Sam were eager participants, and here are their results.
It is said that you learn important things about yourself when confined. Sunita learnt that origami and fruit carving increase her rage. See her "bunny", above, and her, um, appleface below.
Sam learnt that his focus on the art of the phallus limited the scope and breadth of his creativity. Here are their submissions. Feel free to vote for your favourites.
With Tree of Life (2021), (Sam). Themachine eschews his classic approach, shocking viewers who had expected to see the more traditional presentation of Richard with hairs, and Deux Balles. Instead, the artist has created a provocative condemnation of the global food industry, forcing us to answer the question: how can one say that money does not grow on trees, if the food they provide is not free?
Title: Contrast (Sunita). In this paradoxically titled piece, the artist tries to create texture and movement through what would normally be perceived as a dull palate (pun intended). By juxtaposing the corn flakes and milk against a rustic French scenery, the artist makes us long for a simpler time when houses were single storey and treats were sugary.
An ode to Canada (Sunita). Salmon served on a block of wood evokes memories of sockeye grilled on cedar blocks. The chef serves the fish with a hearty kale and walnut salad, an homage to Vancouver hipsters, and lightly dressed cucumber slices and Chinese lanterns, a nod to Chinese Canadians in Hong Kong and Canada.
Man's Hand Caressing Nuts, 2021 (Sam). Here, the artist shows a return to his previous form, titillating the viewer with a promise of texture and fulfillment. By plating the food without the use of a conventional plate, the artist forces us to confront our own definitions and expectations of stability, home, and ultimately, ourselves.
The artist's opus, Part of This Complete Breakfast (Sam) is a playful indictment of modern society. The croissant shows a zeitgeist past its prime as a fading city looms in the distance. In the foreground, the readymade perishables provide small nostalgic comfort, yet little in the way of true nourishment for the soul, as evidenced by the patisserie which boldly states that it will screw you.
Still life in quarantine (Sunita). In this playful composition, the artist balances elements commonly found in old ass still life paintings (like pears and bread) with more modern elements like a cappuccino. The artist eschews a traditional table set up for a more appropriate breakfast in bed ikea table. The bread, despite being delivered today, is stale, making the piece a political commentary (if you have to ask why, then you clearly don't get it).
Untitled (Sunita). In this vibrant composition, the artists asks the viewer to look beyond the bold colours and textures and asks to reflect what lies beneath. The flatness of the plate and its reflective nature is a call to introspection.
Untitled (Sunita). The main course today is canard a la wow. In this seemingly minimalist dish, the chef serves duck breast cooked medium rare, on a bed of rustic mashed sweet potato and dabs it with just a touch of jus. On the side is a "fleur de baby corn". Eat it while it's still warmish.
After a couple of weeks, the quarantiners grew restless and started to make weapons, as most prisoners do. Also, this is the colour of Sam's skin, which is alarming, no?
I tried to interest them in a Martha Stewart challenge, with some success, albeit boring for me. It's important to keep small spaces tidy.

Editor's note. Here, Sunita would like us to learn that she has talents beyond sarcasm and cooking, so please see her finished cherry, which she'll use to treasure this time away from home.
In Let's add some happy little trees, Sunita leveraged her fluffy hair to her channel her inner Bob Ross. Did you know that Bob was in the army before becoming an artist?
Her final work, It looks Better if you Squint, shows that the appreciation of Pointilism is linked to your age, and thus vaccination status. Remember, simpler brushwork leaves more time for eating.
Ultimately, we, and various of their friends, reinvigorated the Subramachiniums through sending them more food. 
Also, you can de-shell a lobster in a hotel room, and there's a video online for that.

Their best creation was the Korean Bikini: inspired by the ham and cheese "bikinis" in Spain, this sandwich uses kimchi, jamon and kewpie mayo on some some squid ink bread. This sandwich was toasted with the hotel iron, of course.
The Subramachiniums are quarantine graduating, and no creativity left! Wish the all the best for their final test before they re-enter society.

Monday, April 5, 2021

Needles and Wattles!

Big news, Barry got his first shot today! (I remain slightly encumbered by my relative youth).
We prepared for this grand event with the Dragon Youth Tonic. Available at grocery and convenience stores across Asia, it improves your vitality through special ingredients like gecko and antler, but tastes surprisingly like sugar water, despite that not being in the ingredients...
Afterwards, we celebrated with Easter cocktails, and barnyard animals, wouldn't you?
Goat farms, now with palm trees.Who doesn't like a little goat visit to take a break from the office. Why, yes, I'd like a little shorts-nibble, please, but don't be getting choked!
Gotta eat some delicious alfalfa to keep that mop lucious and curly
I think some of these goats were aiming for Tiktok or IG fame.


Doin' it for the gram.
Also, #goatselfies. It's a thing.
Those are some mighty fine wattles you got there.
For those in Singapore, the farm visit is surprisingly fun, and this little lady invites you!